Bratislava

A story about slovakian girls
On my first night in Bratislava, Slovak Republic, while I was waiting for the first Monica, who was going to pick me up in front of my hotel at 9 o'clock, two young Italians stopped to ask me if I could suggest a place where they could have some fun that night in Slovakia.
Before I had the chance to hide behind my usual "I don't speak Italian" (spoken in English, of course), they went on to say, "You can't get any slovak girls here. We arrived yesterday and we're leaving tomorrow. The taxi driver refused to help us find some girls and the female receptionist at the hotel wanted to throw us out when we asked her where we could get some women. The Slovak Republic where taxi drivers and receptionists can't understand the tourist is underdeveloped. We're going back to Thailand!"
Marco and Sandro come from the small Italian town of Viterbo, a roundtrip of 2,500 kilometers, involving two days of traveling and $1,000, all squandered because of misinformation harking back to the days of the Berlin Wall.
The following morning (I can't take time to tell you about Monica or I'll lose my train of thought), I was introduced to an old friend of Marco and Sandro.
He is a good-looking elegant Italian, about 50 years old, who has been living in Bratislava for more than a decade, engaged in some sort of business, I never knew what. He began: "My name is Pino. You did well to come to Bratislava. The women are very beautiful here and can all be bought. You have your choice, they don't cost much, the price is around 500 krones (equivalent to $15)."
After a month went by, I came to the conclusion that there are three possible ways to explain what Pino said:
1) He has mental problems.
2) By women he means the unfortunate prostitutes (who are also drug addicts) that walk up and down in front of the hotel, the only women he meets. But if that's the case, I can't figure out where he comes up with such a good bargain.
3) He spends his evenings in brothels (which are legal in Slovakia). Probably all the girls there would go to bed with him, but once again, the price is not right.
The brothels actually contribute to a healthy atmosphere of seduction, because they remove from the market what we might call the "dark side of seduction". This kind of "seduction" is right at home in the countries, such as Italy, where hypocrisy is woven into the fabric of the culture.
Such a culture in Slovakia would be unthinkable. I asked about 20 girls between the ages of 18 and 25 (girls with whom I was either on intimate terms or with whom I was having a normal conversation): "Could you love a person with some ulterior motive in mind?"
Given the delicacy of the matter, I didn't ask the question point blank, as do public-opinion pollsters, who collect a bunch of nonsense for the reading public that buys periodicals.
In more than half of the cases, I found the girls had notable difficulty in even grasping the idea, but in every case the final (and sincere) answer was no!
Olga Valentova, a beautiful talk-show hostess who works for Marchiza, the most important Slovak TV network, disagrees with my evaluation. She was shocked when she found out recently that some of her colleagues were trying to seduce men who could offer them good careers or money.
I told Olga that in my country, Italy, it wouldn't surprise anyone in any working environment and that, as far as Italian television is concerned, it's only for the love of hypocrisy that sexual favors are not included as one of the contractual conditions of employment.
However, according to the beautiful "A.S.," a secret and reticent source and an intimate friend of the director of Marchiza, Pavol Rusko, Slovakia is doing its best to imitate Italy when it comes to this sort of "forced seduction."
Slovakian politicians sponsor TV channels and modeling agencies. In exchange, they receive the "companionship" of TV stars and starlets.
According to the same source, it seems Slovakia is destined to have its own version of Silvio Berlusconi, the ex-prime minister of Italy who also owns a media empire, because Rusko "would like to become the head of the state and has become very nervous and unruly."
Mr. President, we sincerely hope with all our heart that you realize your political dream but please, we would be very disappointed to see Italy lose the world record in the field of courtesan-ship and related practices.


Part I: The Culture of Seduction

After everything I've just told you, I hope you don't have the impression that Slovak girls are "nuns in a convent". Quite the contrary. This is a country full of opportunities when it comes to seduction.
It is my opinion that the fall of the Berlin Wall has revived the soul of Mitteleuropa and that Slovak girls are not so different from German girls when it comes to seduction. If they like you, they let you know immediately, without preconceived notions and without worrying about what will happen tomorrow or the day after that.
But if they don't like you, you might as well go somewhere else, because there is nothing you can do to change their mind.
Italian-style seduction, by means of money and/or power, is just as ineffective here as the long and drawn-out method of courtship, however. Should you choose to come here, you must keep clearly in mind that women are visual here and that seduction is clear, direct, and immediate.
All that counts is aesthetics, charm, your look, style, bearing, the power of your glance, the quality of your voice, and your spontaneity. Money, power, culture, age - the usual nonsense that we associate with the Italian-style of seduction - are of little effect, except in the world of Slovakian TV, as Olga Valentova told us.
I know what you're going to ask me now: Will Slovak girls like me?
My answer is simple enough: If American, German, and Hungarian girls like you immediately, there's a good probability that you'll be another Giacomo Casanova, making one more stop in your European travels.
In any case, it's a particular kind of Casanova that's in vogue here, one adapted to Austro-Hungarian-style seduction.
Dressing elegantly could be a helpful first step. Apparently, according to the young men in Bratislava, if you wear a jacket and tie you are considered attractive and trustworthy.
The only exception is this writer, who seduced an unspecified number of women over the course of a month wearing casual clothes.
The only time I put on an elegant jacket, a hostess who was promoting cigarettes gave me a priceless Trussardi lighter as a present, saying in front of my "girlfriend" who was holding my hand, "This is because you look very handsome."
Since such a thing has never happened to me in any other place, I almost believed her. On that occasion I discovered that Slovak girls are very jealous, because my "girlfriend," after having made a scene (which was not very violent and in fact rather gratifying) would not allow me to dedicate further time to my studies and experiments. In fact, she actually locked me inside my hotel room to keep me from going out.
At first I was reluctant, but then I gave in. The name and age of my girlfriend, I need not say, are top secret!
That Slovakian men are jealous I understood from my very first day in Bratislava, when I tried to reach my first "contact," Henriette, on her mobile phone.
She is a law student, a beautiful 20-year-old with brown eyes, dark hair, and the body of a model. She takes special care of how she looks.
The person who answered the phone said he was her boyfriend and wanted to know for what reason I was calling "his" Henriette. I understood at once that he would not understand the altruistic reasons for my phone call and abandoned my efforts.
Andrea confirmed my theory regarding the male of the Slovak species. A 16-year-old, she experienced this jealousy when she went out with me, (though at the time she said her boyfriend wasn't jealous).
Now that she's left him, she's in a position to give us the numbers we want: 50% are very jealous, 30% are jealous, and 20% pretend they are not jealous. In reality, the whole world is jealous, except for the Germans, who belong in the 20% category.
And now, prepare yourselves to meet the young ladies of Bratislava.
Where? In the streets or in the big department stores, in the daytime during the week. And on weekends after midnight, when they come from all parts of the country to visit the sophisticated discos and clubs.
Otherwise, you have no opportunities, except perhaps during summer afternoons in the sidewalk restaurants downtown.
Forget about blind dates, especially at McDonald's, because here, as everywhere, she will surely look like the daughter of President Clinton (just another unfortunate sign of America's successful colonization of the world).
Whatever your nationality, avoid the ones who speak good Italian and frequent the city's historic center; with few (pleasant) exceptions, they spend most of their time trying to get something out of the Italians, who are known to be over-generous with women, and are sad individuals, unattractive and overrated.
Don't hesitate to meet the others, however!
If you have what they're looking for, there will be so many you won't be able to make up your mind. Depending on the day and the time of day, between 20% and 75% of women you will see are good-looking. Let me be clear about my standards: The Americans think that there are many beautiful women in Italy, but in reality they're not more than 1.1% of the population.
Slovakian girls are almost all friendly, well-mannered, and kind.
Watch out, though, for those who study economy and business administration: They tend to have a middle-class mentality, to be a bit silly, and to be always thinking about making the right impression.
I found that the most open and intelligent were medical students, but why this is so, I have no idea.
Don't let your imagination run away with you, however, and think that everything will go just the way you plan. Even here you'll run into the type of girl who will stand you up (10%) or give you a false telephone number (5%).
I remember what happened to me with Stanislava Danicova, a very beautiful and elegant sex bomb. The minute she met me, she offered to buy me lunch and invited me to spend the weekend with her in Prague (her "roommate" was leaving town for work at that time).
What prevailed, instead, was the incomprehensible feminine logic: I never saw her again. We spent no weekend together. All this was very frustrating, because I can assure you, she was really worth it.
The most common excuse they'll give for not showing up after you've fixed a date is "I had to leave Bratislava." This might be true 1 time in 10; otherwise the city would be deserted! It's like the Serbian line, "I had to go buy some medicine for so-and-so, because she suddenly became ill." Were this to be true, there would be mile-long lines in front of every pharmacy in Belgrade. The fact is, in every country the girls have a favorite excuse.
Don't get discouraged if they hang up on you when you call them, either. This means somebody is with them and they want to give minor importance to the phone call so as not to let who they're with know that you called.
In many countries, discos are the last resort, even in chronological order (the fact is, in most places the most desirable women are generally found during the day); the discos tend to be full of mediocre girls who are besieged by hordes of men who haven't gotten any for a long time.
But if you go into the right discos in Bratislava, your eyes will pop out of your head! Seven out of 10 girls will be more than attractive and every weekend you will see new faces. It's really worth your time to go to the disco here on weekends.
Here's what the classic Slovakian beauty looks like: 1 meter 75 (nearly 5'9") tall; perfect body without makeup (whether you're a breast man, a leg man, or an ass man); facial features of the women of Mitteleuropa, without Slavic characteristics; light brown hair (a few have dark hair or have dyed their hair blonde); ugly hands and feet; simple, unstudied attire (although during the day they're dressed like the stylish women managers); and a natural and spontaneous way of carrying themselves.
What is impossible to type cast, however, is her personality. Here you'll find every kind of woman that you can imagine. This is one place where you can say: You can't generalize.
With equal probability, you can meet the virgin who wants to be emancipated and the super-emancipated girl who is having second thoughts; the romantic girl and the sexually-addicted girl; the empty-headed girl and the intellectual cretin; the girl who is snobbish without any good reason and the one who is friendly but would be entitled to play the superstar game; the one who pursues you if she likes you and the one who runs away if she likes you; the one who is satisfied with a boyfriend in name only and the one who is waiting for Prince Charming; the one who stands you up the same day and the one who makes an appointment 10 days from now at 8.10 PM and shows up early.
Try it and see for yourself. You'll be surprised at the variety of women who exist in Slovakia.
An example of a rare type of a woman is a "self-made" woman, Andrea Bojnakova. She is 22 years old, taller than 1 meter 80 (nearly 5'11"), beautiful, blonde, gifted with a strong personality and the body of a top model. She owns clothes shops, is active in international trade, has a brand-new sports car, and was never financed by either her parents or the usual "sponsors."
She began her first business with $500 that she earned from a small import-export deal. She says: "If your parents give you money, you'll never make money." Now she often takes business trips to India, Egypt, and Latin America.
She is single and has a veritable army of suitors after her.
But she is concentrating only on business, 24 hours a day, at least until she finally meets her Prince Charming - and the later he comes, the more money he will find.
Just how long a Slovakian woman remains beautiful cannot be predicted. In the absence of bodybuilding and plastic surgery, it depends on the blessings of Mother Nature.
I met women here who were past their prime at age 30 (in Scandinavia, by the way, this even happens at age 25).
And yet I was much astonished by a very elegant lady, whose name I don't remember and who I thought was 30 (she was introduced to me by Michaela Conzarova, a feature writer for the leading daily Novi Cas). Michaela later told me that the woman was past 50.
Slovakian men can be recognized by their features, light brown hair, thin bodies, and sober style of dressing.
The pot-bellied guys walking around the downtown during the weekend are Austrians (Vienna is only 60 kilometers or 35 miles away). They come here because the beer is "billig," that is to say, less expensive than in Austria.
Maria Mikloskova, a journalist for the most-important women's monthly magazine EVA and make-up artist for Slovak President Shuster, is bitter because the Austrians consider the Slovaks to be gypsies and thus avoid any human contact. "They drink billig (on the cheap), they ignore the women, they pay their bills and return to Vienna."
Dear Maria, the story of the gypsy next door is an old one that never dies. It's what the Spanish think of the Portuguese, the French of the Belgians, the Danes of the Swedes, the Swedes of the other Scandinavians, the Germans of the Austrians, the Austrians of you, and so on.
You should be happy about this, because the only people I saw in the city who appeared to be repulsive were your Austrian neighbors. Perhaps a Darwinian law of the evolution of the species has made them snobs, to keep them from contaminating your beautiful race.